She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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