i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
