I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
