why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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