Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I booty called her while she was in labor.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
