my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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