the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
