I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
