At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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