he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
