My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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