So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
