I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just threw up on my dentist
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
