I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
