there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
