just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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