Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
