I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
