this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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