Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
