after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She even gives head with a lisp.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
