I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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