he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
