Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
