Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
