he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Actions speak louder than pants.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
