Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So squirting runs in the family.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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