Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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