...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
