apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize