Do vagina's smell?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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