OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
