i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize