where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
