I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
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