Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
