just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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