I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
