k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
