If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
