Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
