What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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