I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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