he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Randomize
