I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize