I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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