dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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