maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
