could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
me + whiskey = a bad person
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
