the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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