Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Can't talk, ducks in the car
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
