I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Randomize
