the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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