I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
