thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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