I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
