I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm at about main and main street
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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