porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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