dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Drake has all the answers
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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