i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
