South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
