I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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