I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
