I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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