New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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