My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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