She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Buhtt sex?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
