the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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