i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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