There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
