Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
