How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
