Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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