so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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