I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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