spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
