He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
