Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm at about main and main street
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize