so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
