Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
