hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize