Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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