you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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