If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
